Why Love Isn’t Enough: The Role of Self-Care in Finding Peace
People often say that you can’t be in love while carrying worries, sadness, and the fear of losing someone, because love is supposed to bring peace. But I believe you can experience all these emotions while being in love. Worrying about them is part of love; feeling sad when they hurt you is because you love them; fearing their loss is also a part of love. The reality is that love doesn’t bring peace on its own—it teaches you how to find it each time you feel disturbed or unwanted. But to do this, you first need to love yourself.
There will be times when the person you love is busy, and their priorities might shift. What do most of us do then? We sit quietly, waiting for them to return and make us happy, to make us their priority again. But why? Have you stopped taking care of yourself just because someone else is now there to take care of you? Why can’t we be our own first priority? Why wait for someone else to make you their priority?
You might have stopped putting in the effort to make yourself happy because you’ve handed that responsibility to someone else. Imagine taking your kids to someone else’s house and finding they aren’t cared for as they should be. Would you stop caring for your own kids? No. Why? Because it’s primarily your responsibility, not theirs. The same principle applies to you. Maintaining your peace, happiness, and self-love is your responsibility, not anyone else’s. Your partner, family, and friends are secondary. Relying solely on them for these things can only lead to sadness and disappointment.
Finding your peace is crucial, whether you’re in love or not. Discover what makes you happy and do those things more often. It’s possible to be in love and still feel unwanted at times. Often, this is due to misunderstandings, situations, or the nature of reality. That’s why it’s essential to remember your individual identity. You can engage in activities that reflect who you are. Losing yourself in loving someone excessively doesn’t make sense. You can be yourself, pursue your interests, and love them simultaneously.
There’s another aspect to impatience. As a believer, I’ve noticed that when I lose my way or commit a sin, my heart becomes restless because God is guiding me back to the right path. This restlessness brings me back to Him, to Goodness. Similarly, we should feel restlessness in our hearts when we get lost or make mistakes that could hurt our loved ones.
When you truly love someone but find yourself doing things you shouldn’t—like flirting or hiding things—your heart will feel restless, taking away your peace. This restlessness is often ignored, but it’s a sign. Such actions aren’t mistakes but conscious choices we make and later label as accidental.
Expectations and dependency can rob you of peace. The less you expect, the more peace you’ll have. The heart is the source of peace. When you learn to control your heart and its desires, your mind will experience calmness. Our minds act on the heart’s desires, expectations, and disappointments. When the heart’s desires aren’t met, our peace of mind is disturbed. We often blame our thoughts, but it’s the heart that feeds those thoughts. Even in relationships, focusing on keeping your heart in the right place ensures that your mind and thoughts won’t trouble you.
It’s important to fill your heart with love, positivity, hope, and faith. Everything starts with you—peace, happiness, sadness, and love. The importance you give to yourself and others significantly impacts your peace. Overemphasizing either yourself or others can disturb your peace. A balanced approach ensures peace and happiness.
What this blog concludes:
- Love doesn’t bring peace on its own; it teaches you how to find it.
- You are primarily responsible for your peace of mind.
- Depending entirely on others for peace and happiness leads to sadness and disappointment.
- Most mistakes aren’t accidents but choices we make.
- Priorities change; don’t let shifting priorities bring you down.
- Always make yourself your first priority.
- Don’t ignore moments of impatience; they often signal something important.
- Expectations and dependency can rob you of peace.
- Peace of mind comes from the heart.
- Everything starts with yourself.